I think that something no one ever seems to say about the first loss is how it nags at you.
Oh, it does go away for a time. But somewhere at the back of your head, there is always that question- who will be next? And that fear doesn’t seem to subside with time.
But the next time, you seem to become a little more familiar with it. You start getting used to the terror. Never familiar with it though- it is the Other- but the terror washes off slowly. But the first time is the one time you remember and then it comes back again.