A moment of introspection into the Youtaite fandom

I have asked myself time and time over: Why do I bother to stay in the fandom? This whole singing thing has deviated so far from my original aim of “music for music’s sake”. In fact, my close friends in the fandom know that I actually have suffered nervous breakdowns about not being good enough, screamed about not getting THAT effect from the mix, pulling hair out over animation programs (Vegas, I’m looking at you).

That should be enough to make a girl leave, right? Yet, I stayed.

And every time I ask this question, the response I get from myself is that I like the artistic part of it. I like pushing the boundaries of art and this includes performing art. And this fulfills my need to be an artistic human being.

I don’t aim for perfection in my covers. Somehow, the majority of people in this fandom have become obsessed with perfection: perfect mixing, perfect timing, beautiful animation. For me, it is more important for me to push the boundaries of this art and create something beautiful. When I don’t succeed at this, I feel disappointed.

I don’t need to be popular. When I looked through my subbers, I spot people whom I respect. And guess what? These few people give me more satisfaction than a hundred people whom I don’t even interact with. I feel like an equal, someone whom they can respect as an artist and that is important to me.

I have a lot of friends in the fandom as well, and they are beautiful people. And even if I left, I would still keep in contact with them. And at the end of the day, the memories you make with these people are the ones that stay. People come and go out of your lives, but memories will be yours forever.

In the end, there always will be shallow, immature people and popularity contests (and this goes for EVERY fandom/group of people in the world) but why quit because of it? In the end, they’re not worth you. And what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

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